Anna Lembke, Stanford University psychiatrist, in her new book, Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance, reminds us that, in our culture today, we are constantly reminded to avoid pain or discomfort at any and all costs. The price of this avoidance is the chronic overconsumption of drugs, technology, and senseless, aimless, often dangerous, pleasures. Through all of this, each and every one of us is in the battle of balancing pleasure and pain in our everyday lives. This battle involves the avoidance of pain; and the attainment of pleasure-----which, in neurobiological terms, means the release of one of the brain’s neurotransmitters, dopamine, so that the feeling of “pleasure” will be released in the brain. This release can occur from all sorts of activities, medications, intoxicants, foods, or behaviors. When we think of “addiction” we think of drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling; but addiction, which is to say the release of dopamine and other pleasure-related neurotransmitters, happens when any pastime, activity, behavior, or anything becomes repetitive and begins to impair our ability to function in one or more important areas of our life. Lempke, herself, was addicted to sex novellas and nearly ruined her marriage and professional life sitting up to all hours of the night reading them and then being too tired in the morning to wake up to go teach her courses at Stanford.
Lempke argues that we should stop running away from the pain in our lives----or what we perceive as pain---by wanting to feel constant pleasure, and realize that life can bring pain that we have to develop the coping strategies to deal with. This is a reminder and a warning to parents who don’t give their children emotional validation, physical love, holding and a sense of being wanted and treasured; that not paying attention to the physical display of love and emotional validation, causes the child emotional dysregulation that is at the foundation of constant “dopamine pleasure hits” and addictive pursuits.
In this way, we should stop running from pain but learn to perceive it as something that is part of our existence as human beings. We must balance pleasure and pain in order to have more rewarding experiences, long-lasting relationships, and more fulfilling lives.
Enjoy your Holidays!