But what does it mean to love?
Loving goes back to being an infant with the principle caretaker-be it the biological mother or someone who cared for the infant as a mother would. This principle caretaker is the person who had the greatest amount of time-input from birth, through the toddler years and into pre-adolescence. And here’s the important part: The WAY that principle caretaker took care of that infant/toddler/pre-adolescent determines how and even IF, the person as the adult, can or cannot love. The way the infant and caretaker connect is called the ATTACHMENT STYLE.
There are four types of attachment styles depending on the quality of that attachment. The first, is the SECURE attachment style. This makes the child/adult confident, reciprocal, non-reactive, resilient. The second, is Anxious-Preoccupied. This causes: emotional hunger, fantasy bond, lack of nurturing, turbulence. The third, is Dismissive-Avoidant. This causes: isolation, ambiguity, ambivalence and emotional distancing. The fourth, is Fearful-Avoidant. This causes internal conflict, drama, unpredictability, ambivalence. Those who had secure attachment can really love and not confuse love with need. The final three attachment styles may cause varying degrees of dysregulation and have challenges in the ability to love and be loved.
So here’s hoping and wishing you had the best attachment style; but if you didn’t, a good counselor can get you on track!
Reach out to Mind Body Therapeutics on this special day of love. You will be glad that you did!